Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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