Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
