Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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