Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
