no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
