A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
