Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Randomize
