HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize