We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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