Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize