Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Randomize
