you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
