Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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