i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
