Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
