the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
