so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
