Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
