Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
