Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
We're facebook friends in real life
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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