Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
