just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize