I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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