you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Randomize
