ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
