Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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