come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
3pm strippers are depressing
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
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