we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
