I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
