i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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