Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
FUCK WHALES
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
