The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
