She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
