Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
