is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
My penis needs a shock collar
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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