Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
