Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Did I show you my penis last night?
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Randomize
