If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
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