you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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