We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
