I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
