Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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