I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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