Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
