my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
