You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize