They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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