Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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