Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
