Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
