Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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