The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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