handjob tips. give me some.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
