So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
