ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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