Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
