You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
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