please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
