She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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