so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
