Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
