We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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