going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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