We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize