I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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