So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
