New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize