She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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